Thursday, August 4, 2011


Eat out. Go for a walk. Grocery shop. Shop for clothes. Shop for appliances. Get my oil changed. Have a conversation. Watch mindless television. Talk on the phone. Send an email. Go to the bathroom.

These are all things I would like to do without my children. But since we are living in 43 square feet (not to be dramatic about it) we all do everything together all the time. Especially the bathroom thing.

When I go to pee it's like a damn parade. First comes the dog who has taken to following me everywhere. I am not sure why, I am pretty sure he knows I don't really like him a lot right now (cause he's a pain in my ass) so why he needs to be at my feet every waking second of every day is beyond me. Oh and PS he's not a lapdog. He weighs 70 pounds. Then comes the toddler. He comes in and says, 'Mom, what you doing?'. I respond. He asks me where my penis is and I am usually saved from answering by the baby who comes ferociously crawling in the door and heads straight for the trashcan full of dirty diapers, q-tips, and whatever else. And bathroom break over.

Well. What's cool is that the same thing goes for Daddy when he is home. Only the toddler wants to pee with him. At the same time. Obviously not something we can do with Mommy, what with my lack of penis and all. So. Daddy comes home, walks to the bathroom and is followed by aforementioned parade of characters. Only this parade has a half naked toddler.

Even though it was Daddy's birthday last night, the scene was the same. Enter Daddy. "Happy birthday Daddy! Me go pee with you?" "Thanks buddy! Sure, come on! Let's go pee!"

Last night was a bit different though. While the boys were peeing. The toddler grabbed Daddy's unit/ penis/ business/ whatever you want to call it and said 'snake!'. Of course he did.

I am sure there is a lesson in here somewhere. About your private parts being private. Or keeping your hands and feet and other objects to yourself. I was too busy laughing. Plus, it wasn't my penis he grabbed. Just saying.

So. For your 33 birthday my love, you got an ego boost. And a penis grab. Here's to you. We love you. Don't say you never got anything nice.

The Best part? Daddy's face when he came out of the potty.


Michelle said...

Just found you on Poop whisperer and have to say that post was just about the funniest thing I have read all week. New follower over here!! I have two kids and a dog that do THE SAME THING by the way.

Corey said...

Thanks Michelle! And welcome! Can't promise everything will be quite as 'unique' story. :) happy to have you along for the ride! Off to check your blog!

Hillie Gaither said...

There is so much I love about this.

Brandi said...

LOL!!!!! This is hilarious! You're such an entertaining writer Corey! I love it :)