Monday, August 8, 2011

Ho Ho Holy crap...

To say that we are all being tested would be accurate.  Our family dynamic is interupted by this state of flux we are living in.  And that's ok because challenges are good for us.  They keep us on our toes.  Keep our brains working.  Livers too.

He's almost 3.  His life is upside down too.  He has no toys.  No where to play.  No space to call his own.  No friends to speak of.  No school to go to.  No regularity to anything.  In our world that equals chaos.  It means tantrums, listening to Mommy and Daddy a lot less, and generally just more time outs and frustrations.  What doesn't kill us... Anyway.

This weekend we were leaving the mall.  All four of us.  I had the double jogger with the baby in it.  And carry out from California Pizza Kitchen (oh and we don't eat here on the weekends, or weekdays really for that matter).  Daddy had the almost 3 year old and a bag.  Cannon didn't want to leave the mall and in his declartory new voice he was letting us know it.  We got outside into a very busy parking lot and he took off.  In a parking lot.

I am screaming his name.  All three names (and not just cause his middle name is super cool).  We are chasing him.  It is not pretty.  Finally got a hold of him and spanked him (for putting himself in danger, first time I've done that... post over here on the spanking issue). 

This is where it got interesting.

Out of nowhere comes this guy.  He looks homeless.  Or maybe just drunk.  Dirty, long fingernails.  Yellow teeth.  An odd buttondown one piece outfit.  And a white beard down to his belly button.  Yep.

He says, 'does he know who I am?' scaring the shit out of me.   Um.  Yes. He knows who you are and I will kick your ass if you try anything scary old, homeless, Santa looking creepo.  But as creepy as he was, his lecture about watching him, making sure he's being nice and not naughty, and a reminder that Christmas is coming, was a welcome gesture.  And perhaps, Santa got the message across better than I did in my scared, angry state.

So thanks summertime mall Santa.  For helping calm us all down.  And for using your gross long beard for good.  The A-Team of Santas will thank you come holiday time.

The Best part?  Santa's summertime suit.


Brandi said...

Whoa, Summertime Mall Santa definitely sounds creepy. How weird.

JohnforAmerica said...

Sounds like things get a bit lean in the summer for Mall Santa. It can't be easy having to lay off his little elf buddies after each Xmas season. Probably worried that today's economy means many elf jobs won't be "coming back"...

That said, good of him to remember his primary role, if not his hygiene habits (which, I should say, have fallen off a cliff since Mrs. Claus left him for the Easter Bunny. Tragic...).

Liz Ridgeway said...

I'm sorry I'm just laughing and laughing again as I read this to my husband because I can see this all playing out at the mall! Sorry he ran off, but thank God for weird old men I guess.