Wednesday, April 27, 2011

See that?

Right there... To the right. Next to this post. I am basically a blogging genius now. Will soon be looking for a job as a computer programmer. You can now subscribe to the blog via email! Or add it to your reader with the click of a button.

Amazing. I know.

So. Don't want to get caught reading ...the Best part... At work? Subscribe. Feel like you don't get enough emails? Subscribe. Just want to make sure you never miss a single riveting moment? Subscribe.

You. Are. Welcome.

Monday, April 25, 2011

O&R nothingness

I have implemented a daily laundry ritual. Ok fine, I missed Monday and Tuesday but I am trying to do a small load a day. See the days where I do 7 loads overwhelm me. And make me want to throw everything away instead of washing it.

I discovered that one of the two nursing bras I have been wearing for six months now has a genius feature. While I was struggling to out a strap perfect on without pulling a muscle (as seen in TV Strap Perfect, works but a pain in the ass to get on) I realized that the back the straps on the aforementioned nursing bra have a hook! To hook the straps together!!! So that you can wear 'racer back' stuff!!! That's what we called it in swimming, I don't know what the shirts are actually called. Anyway. Every bra should have it. Hear that bra makers?

Did you see above I have been nursing BGB for 6 months? I deserve as award. What? Oh. That's what a lot of moms do? Still going to throw a party for myself. Deal.

I will not complain about the rain. I will not complain about the rain. I will not complain about the rain.

Upon finding the first Easter egg my smart little boy said, 'Mommy, you hatch this for me?' Brilliance.

Our month of crazy is finally drink to a close. I can't believe May is almost here. Looking forward to the flowers.

Anyone know how to set up a subscription thingamajig on blogger? Had a few requests and don't have the foggiest.

The Best part? The crazy is almost over. Welcome back unpacked calendar.

Location:OR Nothingness

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hopping lightly.

**I have zero intentions of offending anyone.  My more devout readers will likely roll their eyes in disgust and then pray for me. I take prayers. From anyone.  Anywhere.  Any faith.  Anytime.  Bring 'em. **

I was doing some Googling.  See the husband wanted to know why there is a bunny who hides eggs associated with Easter.  Truth.  I had no idea.  Google.  Here I come.  Turns out.  There is no connection, at least not a religious one (the Catholics merged religious rituals with pagan rituals like a bazillion years ago).   Stick with me here.

If you've been along for the ride for a while, you know my stance on religion.  If you've just joined us, please, catch up here.  I'll wait. 

So.  Easter is this weekend.  We have no plans to go to church.  The bunny is coming though.  Not cause the kids are good, not cause the Catholics did it a million moons ago, he's just coming.  Just because.  And he's bringing a bunch of crap.  And he'll deliver it on monogrammed Pottery Barn Kids Easter baskets.  Judge away. 

There are several reasons we won't hit up an Easter service.  First, I'm not going to subject a bunch of regular church goers to my two children who have rarely been in church, and risk ruining an Easter Sunday service for the congregation.  Second, isn't it kind of a farce if you only go on major holidays?  Just sayin'.  And third, the story of Jesus is one I barely understand.  There is no way my 2 1/2 year old can conceptualize that he died on the cross for our sins and then was resurrected.  He doesn't understand the concept of death let alone coming back from it. 

Sure, maybe if instead of Moo, Ba, La La La  or Hey, Wakeup!we read a children's Bible he might understand more.  To be clear I am not calling my child dumb, he is anything but, but I am saying that I think there are things that are just too much for a toddler brain to grasp.  The Resurrection of Christ I think is one of them.

So, what's my point?  First that you won't find us enjoying an Easter ham in our Sunday best following a church service.  Not that you would be looking for us anyway.  But also vis a vi, the following.

Maybe it's a generational thing.  Maybe it's just us.  I want our children to grow up knowing that there is a greater power.  I want them to know they are here because of it.  But I want them to know that not everyone believes the same thing, and that's ok.  And it's ok if they find that Buddha makes the most sense to them or that Brigham Young was a bright guy (please don't let it be fundamentalist though... I've seen Sister Wives).  I think the Jehovah's Witnesses do it right by not baptizing children until they are old enough to understand what they are joining, the beliefs they are subscribing to, until Resurrection makes sense.  Although I couldn't handle the door knocking and we all know I love birthdays.

So for now.  Until Jesus and his disciples and Noah's ark and water and wine and immaculate conception are things Sandra Boyton writes about we'll stick to our regular bedtime reads.

The Best part? Pretty sure not everyone will agree with me on this one.  In fact, most will disagree.  I'm ok with that.  Bring the comments.  I can take it.  And the aforementioned prayers. I'll take those too!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Observations and Revelations: a 40 hour getaway

So if you didn't read about the dirty, knitty gritty of our trip, you should do that first.  Come back.  I'll wait.

Two trips to the airport in one day with two kids means the second trip there requires ice cream.  And 14 suckers.  And gummies.  And goldfish.  And basically anything he wanted to keep him from throwing himself on the gross floor of the airport.

We change diapers before we get on airplanes.  Since I was flying solo I clearly need the 'family restroom'.  We waited a good ten minutes for the door to unlock (while th 2 year old sat on the aforementioned disgusting airport floor) and I was certain the Duggars were going to come out of that bathroom.  Nope.  Just a guy who works at the Taco Bell in the food court.  For real.  I am pretty sure the words "Are you serious?" came out of my mouth upon his exit.

On the return trip, after the TSA violated me and left my husband juggling two children and six shoes and a diaper bag, the TSA agent says to me "another burnt northerner".  What's your point? 

Our kids love water.  They come by it honestly.  It was a blast.

You don't think she looks anything like my Dad do you???

My brother has big muscles.  Just ask him.  On a side note, if you happen to live in St. Louis and are in need of a trainer he's starting a new job today.  Let me know if you want deets.

I got more vouchers from Delta in my email today.  Maybe they'll start sending them a few times a week.  It was a pretty good letter...

After reading my Facebook feed this morning it's pretty apparent that we slept through some sirens.  The roof appears to still be in tact.  Who really wants to take their kids to the basement in the middle of the night?  I figure if the dog isn't up shitting himself then we're good.

I read an exceprt from Tina Fey's new book yesterday.  You can read it here and a million other blogs across the web.  It is funny and smart and true.  I will be buying it in its entirity.  Just can't decide if I want to read it on the iPad or in the real, paper form.

Someone please tell me how it's possible that the baby is 6 months old tomorrow.  Please.  I have major plans for a 6 month photo shoot with yours truly as the photog.  However, the Atlantic is currently running through our backyard.  I refuse to take the pictures inside, the grass is too green.  Stay tuned.

I will leave with a final thought on our reunion weekend.  There are few words to describe how it feels to see your children with their great grandparents.  That is three generations of love.  And for me, those memories, that image, I will cherish.  Forever. 

The Best part?  Considering a new closing line.  That's what she said.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I didn't worry enough.

That's not entirely true. I worried plenty about my kids and how they would do. Aside from a poop as soon as we got on the plane (from the baby) they were rockstars. Especially considering the circumstances.

I'll give you the Cliff's notes version (does anyone still use those things?). That guy was brilliant.

We got to the airport on Friday morning only to learn our flight had been cancelled (Delta claimed mechanical, I call bullshit, flight wasn't full so they didn't fly). Everyone else on the flight had gotten a phone call hours earlier. I got no phone call. So. There I was. Two children in tow, a husband already at our destination, and apathetic, awful customer service representatives. I was offered standby seats, lunch vouchers, and a few eye rolls as I cried and screamed and pounded on the desk. 45 minutes later miraculously they found two seats on a sold out flight. Below is a scathing email I wrote to Delta about my experience. Enjoy.

I am sure you get these all the time. I am sure you don't even read them. I am sure I can expect a form response telling me that you are very sorry for the inconvenience. All I can do is hope a human being reads this email in it's entirety.

Friday morning I was scheduled to fly to Tampa with my children in tow to meet my parents and husband. It's a trip that has been booked for months (January in fact). My grandparents have not met my children. This was a much anticipated, much hyped trip. We arrived at CVG at 9:30 on Friday morning for our 11:15 flight. Upon standing in line to check in, other passengers shared with me that the flight to Tampa has been cancelled.
Everyone in line got a phone call around 8am to tell them the news. I got no phone call. No email. No correspondence from your company. Nothing.
The ticketing agent blamed a mechanical problem. I am a college educated media professional (in Cincinnati). I am not stupid. The flight had no mechanical problems, you made a business decision. It was not full so you cancelled it. I get it. I do. It was a business decision. That's fine. But do you ever consider the people whose lives you are affecting when you do that? Do you consider that a mother is flying alone with her two children to see her grandparents? Do you consider that maybe you should ensure that everyone on that plane has an alternate way to get where they are going before you just cancel it? Obviously not.
By the time I got up to the ticketing agent (a 30 minute wait) there were no flights to get myself and my children to Tampa. None. She offered me a meal voucher (a 6$ meal voucher) and said she would book me standby for a later flight or standby for the following day. So Delta wanted me to come back to the airport (after being dropped off by a neighbor) to maybe get on a later flight. I am sure you can understand why that is a ridiculous option. Since I had seats on the flight you cancelled. You made the decision to cancel the flight. I did not. I was there on time, ready to fly. Had I gotten a phone call or an email at 8am like the other passengers I would have had the opportunity to rebook on a flight (that at that point wasn't full yet) and while it would have been a pain, it would be nothing compared to what I experienced at your ticket counter.
I requested a manager three times before one came to speak to me. She was curt, rude, apathetic, and stared right through me while I cried to her about my grandparents and a cancelled flight. She could not have cared less if she had tried.
It was 25 minutes of screaming and crying at your ticket counter before miraculously they found me two seats on the 4p flight. Why does it take an irate customer (who paid FULL price for tickets) screaming and crying at your ticket counter with her children for your company to try to do the right thing?
I left the airport with two $50 Delta vouchers and not even ONE apology from anyone who works for your company. Not ONE. No one told me they were sorry for the inconvenience. People who voluntarily give up their seats get a lot more than a voucher to cover the cost of checking luggage on your airline. It will take a lot more than that to right this wrong.
Your customer service is horrific, you should be ashamed of the way you treat people. I certainly would be.
I will look forward to hearing what part of this is my fault. In the meantime, I am sharing my story with anyone who will listen in hopes that no one else has to experience the truly awful things I did while doing business with your airline.

I am kind of known for my emails. I don't want to say I am famous per say but generally I get a response. This time was no different. This morning, less than 24 hours after I wrote the email I got a lengthy response from a real person (Henry) who was very apologetic and issued us some more vouchers. While it doesn't make up for the misery they caused it softens the blow a bit.

So if you ever need help chewing someone a new asshole. I'm your girl.

The Best part? Despite the airline... it was a wonderful trip.

Monday, April 18, 2011

I am here.

Don't put out an APB. I am here. And I have good stuff in store for this week. I promise. A tease? I did not worry enough about traveling with the kids solo.

Until then I will leave you with this conversation with my 2 year old this morning.
Me: Look buddy! A blow up Easter bunny! (yes, lawn ornaments for Easter. Awesome.)
C: I see it Mommy! It's a decoration! Like a Christmas tree! It's beautiful! Just like you!
Me: Oh thank you so much buddy!
C: My pleasure Mommy!

I am happy to be compared to a blow up lawn ornament if that means I am beautiful.

The Best part? Clearly, he is brilliant.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Bossy Pants

She is already trying to tell him what to do...

The Best part? Other than occassional 'shhh!' he is unphased.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Observations and Revelations

If I have nothing worthy to say. I don't say anything. Hence the absence.

I have no idea why anyone flies Delta. No idea. 500$ a piece to change a ticket is absurd. A ticket that was $400 to begin with. And heaven forbid you allow my husband to travel with the carseats so I don't have to lug a 2 1/2 year old, a 6 month old, luggage AND carseats into the airport. And if you were any less accommodating I might think you were the DMV. Although I haven't had a phone conversation with the DMV recently that was as unpleasant as my one with you Delta.

I was totally judging a coworker for eating a bag of rice out of the bag for lunch (cooked). Then I checked the carb count of my frozen treat. Fail.

I was mistaken for a coworker this week. She's beautiful. She's also black.

I put my pre baby shorts on yesterday. I didn't cry. Victory.

I can't believe I am saying this. I am kind of over Facebook. It's not interesting to me anymore. Onto the next social networking addiction. Or maybe I am over social networking all together. Hmmm. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that a Facebook friend announced he and his wife are expecting baby #2 by saying 'she pulled the goalie, he shoots he scores!' with an accompanying picture of a positive pregnancy test.

This morning on the TODAY Show they did a story out how 'Your Baby Can Read' is crap. Shocking. What was most telling was that the founder of YBCR said that his four year old reads better than he does. And this man has made millions selling a memorization tool.

The swing set is up! He is in love. So much so that twice this weekend (while I was out of town) he let himself out while daddy was taking care of the baby. There is now a piece of plywood holding the sliding glass door shut. Speaking of classy.

Flying solo with kiddos on Friday. Preparing for the worst. That would be. Both kids pooping on the plane. Sandwiched next to a 500 pound 40 year old man. The baby who never cries will cry and I will be left with a choice. Nurse her or let her cry. Next to this large man who is probably at this point sweating. Oh and there will be a tantrum or two thrown in since we are talking about worst case. Probably a tantrum in the aisle. It's the things I worry about the most that always go swimmingly. So I'm gonna keep on worryin'. That's right. I left the 'g' off. Cause that's how the 500 pound man next to me will talk. He will probably also smell.

The Best part? Friends coming over to enjoy the new swing set!

Thursday, April 7, 2011


I have been busy. Or uninspired. Or both this week. Apologies for the absence.

New shopping carts at the grocery store made my day this morning. I thought that, then I texted that, then I typed it here. Now I have determined I need to get a life. But. They do float like a Cadillac through the aisles.

Went to see our favorite major league baseball team play last night. In the good seats. The ones with the fancy dinner and the booze. Pretty much the best way to watch a baseball game. Made even better by a win.

Cutting your own bangs is never a good idea.  Never.

Swing set raising tonight. To. Night. I know a two year old who will FLIP out tomorrow morning. FLIP.

Had a play date/ birthday celebration yesterday. Every playdate should involve cupcakes and mimosas.

Remember when I wrote that speech? About that sorority? Then they got mad at me and yelled at me like I was 15? And i had to go private for a hot minute? Well. Those girls I wrote about, I am spending my weekend with them. Without husbands. Without children. With the breast pump. And them. We are celebrating 30. Celebrating friendships. Laughter. Love. Celebrating each other. We will also be those 30 year old women who knock on the sorority house door and ask for a tour. We never answered the door for those women. It will be epic. 

Spring is here friends. Hope it shows up wherever you are in time for the weekend.

The Best part? The reunion. Clearly the reunion.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Spring forward. Again.

I may or may not have mentioned that we don't have a late sleeping toddler. I a fairly certain that he has slept past seven four times. Ever.

7 is all I ask for. I don't need him to sleep until 8 or 9. Seven. Siete. That's all.

Of late, it's been bad. It's been a vicious cycle. He is sick. Ear infections keep him from sleeping and eating. When he doesn't eat he wakes up hungry. Early. Like 5:45 in the morning. Oh and he now recognizes that he has to pee in the morning. This is not a child who will go to the potty and get back in bed. Couple that with a baby who cant stay up past seven at night and therefore wakes up still around four to eat and you have one sleepy mama.

So. Imagine my delight this morning when I heard the baby and rolled over to find it was 7:06. Elated. I snuck into her room, fed her and snuck out so as not to wake the sleeping toddler (who I was certain was going to just catch up on all the z's he's lost over the last few weeks). I crawled back in bed for a few and then I heard him. He doesn't wake up like I imagine normal kids wake up. No talking or playing. He immediately goes into 'scream for mommy mode' (a habit I would love to break if you have suggestions). It was 7:23. I hop up, brush my teeth, throw on my sweats and head to his room.

(side note: husband out of town last night)

So I burst into his room where he is still rolling around a bit and say 'good morning!'. Something was fishy. The sun wasn't up. The 50$ nightlite sun. Not up. So we chilled in bed for a few and it still didn't come up. I casually glance at the clock in his room and it's effing 6:24.

We have an atomic clock. Or whatever clocks that set themselves are called. Problem is. We bought it before farmers and the government decided to move daylight saving time. Therefore. Our atomic clock. Sprung ahead last night.

Fail. Miserably. Bring on the coffee.

The Best part? It is going to be play outside warm today. Like wear his ass out play outside until he can't take it anymore and will have to sleep until 7. At least. I hope.

Happy Sunday fun day friends.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Saturday Scene

Couldn't pick just one.  Don't be mad. Oh and it's nearly afternoon.  Don't be mad about that either. Oh and one picture is from yesterday.  No.  Two are from yesterday.  You'll get over it.

Linkin' up with Katie at Loves of Life

Saturday Morning Scene

So.  First things first.  Today's actual picture.  My new runners.  Laced up.  Took 'em a rough 2.5 today.  Oh and those legs, with spandex on them, they've helped me lose 12 pounds in 9 weeks.  Rock.  On.

This face.  For real.  How could you not?  Eat her.  Seriously.  Oh and the bow.  You can't see it but it's black toile.  Black. Toile.  I die.

Oh and this MOTY made a dream come true yesterday.  We. Met. Racer. Queen.  That's right.  And Mater.  AND Miss Sally.  Seriously.  Dream come true.

The Best part?  the 12 pounds, clearly.  And a dream come true.