Monday, June 21, 2010

My Dearest Oprah,

So my pretend best friend Oprah is running this contest to give someone their own show.  She's created a few winners.  You may have heard of Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, Dr. Oz... the list goes on.  This is my dream gig.  Having a forum to talk, on television, about whatever I want.  I was all about sending a pitch tape to her but upon reading the fine print I found that I didn't/ couldn't abide by all the requirements.  Not supposed to be under any kind of contract, welp, I am.  And have to be able to be in Chicago for September and October.  As if I would even get selected but if I did, it would be tough to convince my doctors that I would be fine. 

But.  If I had made a tape, pitched my ideal talk show, and convinced Oprah that we should be fast friends and hand out her money together, this is what I would have pitched.

A Mom show.  A show hosted by a real Mom, namely, me.  Not a celebrity mom with a chef/ trainer and staff on hand to raise the child while simultaneously cooking healthy meals and kicking my ass. 

A real mom.  Yours truly.

A real mom who fought off the baby weight for a year because she loves to eat and has a passion for good wine, good cheap wine.  A real mom with stretch marks and split ends.  A mom who's not afraid to talk about poop, living on a realistic budget (dan will laugh when he reads that), and who is not ashamed to admit that they're not perfect. 

I follow the five second rule.  I have picked my nose before.  I have gotten a shirt out of the hamper, smelled it, and put it on.  My dog licks the high chair tray, sometimes I forget and don't clean it.  I am not afraid of dirt.  I hate ironing and vaccuming.  But I can't pay someone to do either.  I like reality tv.  Too much.  I have been known to judge.  I have fed my child fruit snacks for a meal.  I have fed my husband and myself chicken fingers for dinner. 

I'm not talking about a woman in 'house shoes' (whatever those are) and a moo moo.  I'm talking about a Mom who shops at Walmart and Target and who considers an outfit from the Macy's sales rack a treat.  A mom who find satisfaction in a sweet deal at TJ Maxx or a (gasp) second hand store.  But also a mom who fancies herself slightly a foodie, a (cheap) wine conessiuer, and a creative and engaging writer (aren't I?).  A mom who is looking for a way to work without actually working.

I'm talking about a Mom who cherishes her friends (real and virtual).  Her mom friends for their insight, advice, and ability to talk about poop, eating habits and potty training as though it is just as interesting as what's going on in the world.  Her non-mom friends for their ability to pull her out of the mommy world and remind her life exists, a fabulous life exists outside of your children. 

We would do shows on things that matter to real moms.  Shows on college savings plans.  Shows on couponing without actually couponing.  On moms who make it work, and make it look easy.  Shows on menu planning without having to go to three different stores for the ingredients.  Shows on why a bottle of wine and a night laughing with your husband can make everything else go away.  Shows on how to do a workout in your living room without breaking your ankle on a matchbox car or barbie.  Shows on making it look easy.  Shows on pulling it off flawlessly.  Shows on tactful ways to convince your neighbors that the lawn ornaments are getting out of control.  The list goes on...

I don't think you can get closer to the key demo than the woman described above, moi.  So Oprah, if you're listening, I can't make the trip this week but next week is good for me.  Let's start planning for the May book, mkay?  I would watch this show.  I would dvr it.  I would buy the products endorsed and advertised.  And I'm pretty sure I know a lot of others who would to.... am I right ladies?

Just sayin'.

The Best part?  Oprah is probably reading my blog.  Pretty sure she'll become a follower after this.

1 comment:

CaSandra said...

Forget the "rules" and submit your tape anyways! I'd watch it... I'd DVR it... and I'd buy the products advertised too!

And... if you get hard up for guests - call me - I'll teach your audience how to iron with a curling iron! {I did it just this morning, so I know I'm up on my skills}