Monday, June 28, 2010

we're breaking up

Lady O and I.  Are done.  Breaking up.  Oprah and I are no longer pretend best friends.

I got an email telling me that my tape can't be considered because it was deemd 'offensive'.  I'm not sure who watched the tape but I would LOVE to know what was offensive. 

I took it off the blog for professional reasons but come on... seriously?  Offensive?  The only thing I can think of is the small opening about 'poop' (clearly put in there to catch someones attention) and if that's what's offensive then I probably shouldn't get a show. 

What's too bad is that I think it's a terrific idea for a show and whoever watched obviously doesn't have kids.

Too bad.

Win some, don't even get considered for others.

The Best part?  I have an opening for a pretend best friend.

Friday, June 25, 2010

you betcha!

Nope, not a post about Sarah Palin, not even close.  This morning Mickey said it and then Cannon repeated it.  'You betcha!'  All of a sudden I was reminded of my Grandmother, my mom's mom.  Grandma Tootle (I couldn't say Struble, came out Tootle and my Grandmother's went/go by Grandma followed by their last name).  She passed away a few years ago.  But it's nice to know she's still around. 

I have terrific and funny (to me) memories of her.  She was a Marine.  Yep, SHE was a Marine.  And so proud and so patriotic.  I know every word of the Marine Corps Hymn because of her.  From the halls of Montezuma... Once we got lost going to the mall and it was behind us the whole time.  She had this maroon Mercury Grand Marquis that was her baby.  I remember her picking leaves off of the top of it, every time we got in the car.  We'd put towels down cause it's hot in Tampa and we didn't want to burn our 'dupas'.  That's another one.  Dupa.  We would sit on her balcony and watch the flag fly or the grass grow.  She never ever ever got her hair wet in the pool.  She had beautiful fingernails and hands.  And a terrific laugh.  She'd take us to the 'cheapy cheapy store' (the five and dime) and bought me jelly shoes once even though Mom said no. 

Isnt' it funny how one little thing can bring a whole flood of wonderful memories back?  Thanks Mickey!

This is why we take trips to see the Grandparents.  And Great Grandparents (trip in August to see them!).  I want Cannon to have memories like I do of my Grandparents.  How lucky he will be.

The Best part?  Dupa.

Monday, June 21, 2010

My Dearest Oprah,

So my pretend best friend Oprah is running this contest to give someone their own show.  She's created a few winners.  You may have heard of Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, Dr. Oz... the list goes on.  This is my dream gig.  Having a forum to talk, on television, about whatever I want.  I was all about sending a pitch tape to her but upon reading the fine print I found that I didn't/ couldn't abide by all the requirements.  Not supposed to be under any kind of contract, welp, I am.  And have to be able to be in Chicago for September and October.  As if I would even get selected but if I did, it would be tough to convince my doctors that I would be fine. 

But.  If I had made a tape, pitched my ideal talk show, and convinced Oprah that we should be fast friends and hand out her money together, this is what I would have pitched.

A Mom show.  A show hosted by a real Mom, namely, me.  Not a celebrity mom with a chef/ trainer and staff on hand to raise the child while simultaneously cooking healthy meals and kicking my ass. 

A real mom.  Yours truly.

A real mom who fought off the baby weight for a year because she loves to eat and has a passion for good wine, good cheap wine.  A real mom with stretch marks and split ends.  A mom who's not afraid to talk about poop, living on a realistic budget (dan will laugh when he reads that), and who is not ashamed to admit that they're not perfect. 

I follow the five second rule.  I have picked my nose before.  I have gotten a shirt out of the hamper, smelled it, and put it on.  My dog licks the high chair tray, sometimes I forget and don't clean it.  I am not afraid of dirt.  I hate ironing and vaccuming.  But I can't pay someone to do either.  I like reality tv.  Too much.  I have been known to judge.  I have fed my child fruit snacks for a meal.  I have fed my husband and myself chicken fingers for dinner. 

I'm not talking about a woman in 'house shoes' (whatever those are) and a moo moo.  I'm talking about a Mom who shops at Walmart and Target and who considers an outfit from the Macy's sales rack a treat.  A mom who find satisfaction in a sweet deal at TJ Maxx or a (gasp) second hand store.  But also a mom who fancies herself slightly a foodie, a (cheap) wine conessiuer, and a creative and engaging writer (aren't I?).  A mom who is looking for a way to work without actually working.

I'm talking about a Mom who cherishes her friends (real and virtual).  Her mom friends for their insight, advice, and ability to talk about poop, eating habits and potty training as though it is just as interesting as what's going on in the world.  Her non-mom friends for their ability to pull her out of the mommy world and remind her life exists, a fabulous life exists outside of your children. 

We would do shows on things that matter to real moms.  Shows on college savings plans.  Shows on couponing without actually couponing.  On moms who make it work, and make it look easy.  Shows on menu planning without having to go to three different stores for the ingredients.  Shows on why a bottle of wine and a night laughing with your husband can make everything else go away.  Shows on how to do a workout in your living room without breaking your ankle on a matchbox car or barbie.  Shows on making it look easy.  Shows on pulling it off flawlessly.  Shows on tactful ways to convince your neighbors that the lawn ornaments are getting out of control.  The list goes on...

I don't think you can get closer to the key demo than the woman described above, moi.  So Oprah, if you're listening, I can't make the trip this week but next week is good for me.  Let's start planning for the May book, mkay?  I would watch this show.  I would dvr it.  I would buy the products endorsed and advertised.  And I'm pretty sure I know a lot of others who would to.... am I right ladies?

Just sayin'.

The Best part?  Oprah is probably reading my blog.  Pretty sure she'll become a follower after this.


Baby girl is doing great.  Heartrate is normal, my blood pressure is just fine.  Gained 4 pounds.  Got permission to drink coffee (not that I needed permission... drinking it anyway).  Got permission to paint Cannon's room and the nursery (damn).  Got permission to fly in August (why they give you the 'stop travel' card in the first place is beyond me).  Got permission to swim in the lake.  Didn't get permission to drink wine (double damn).

All is good.  That's the Best part.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Just a few of my favorite things from the weekend.

Things Cannon said:
He counted to 15 in English and five in Spanish.  OK fine, I counted to four in Spanish and he yelled "cinco!"  Kind of like 'ole!'
"Tannon pooping Mommy!" which is like annoucing impending doom for the diaper that follows.
"Probly hot Mommy"  "Probly tomin' Daddy"  "Probly not Mommy" -- Probly is the new word.
"Later Mommy!"  Not like 'let's do this later' like 'bye Mom'. 

A Father's day trip to Ikea for one thing ended in more than one purchase (duh).  One of which is a Sweedish potty which Cannon decided to wear on his head most of the evening.  The road map carpet is a HUGE hit though.  And big boy walked all over the store with us.  While this might not seem like a big deal to most, this is a kid who loves to run (in particular away) and who is constantly on the move.  But he walked like a big boy with us!  Little things, right?

We (Cannon and I) escaped garage sale day (a very very rainy crappy turn out garage sale day) and made a trip to Columbus to celebrate one of my best friend's daughter's first birthdays.  I even got to take some pictures.  I'm starting to wonder if people think it's weird that I show up at their event which I was invited to as a guest, not a photographer, and snap pictures the whole time.  I'm just playing.  Learning.  Hoping to get better.  Probably need a class for that (bucket list).  But pretty little Miss Mira was a great reason to practice.  Cannon ran around like a mad man the whole time and had only fruit snacks for lunch (Mom of the year award, I know). 

And we celebrated Dano.  Because he deserves it.  Got him the cliched Father's Day gift of ties.  But he really wanted them! 

Super weekend.  Dan laughed when I told him it felt short cause I worked on Friday.  I deserved the laugh and eye roll.

The Best part?  Probly.

happy Father's day!

Happy Father's day to the two greatest fathers I know.  My own and my husband.  I am so lucky to have you both in my life.  Could never ask for more.  Love you.

The Best part?  These guys.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Decorating Fun

Baby girl's bedding came yesterday!  I ordered a pink (the darker pink) gingham blackout curtain to go with it (justification: on clearance with free shipping). 

The Best part?  She may not have a name or anything to wear... but her nursery will be darling.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Open Mouth Insert Foot

So if you've ever traveled between Cincinnati and Dayton on I-75 chances are you've seen it.  Odds are the first time you took a second or third look.  After that it probably became a landmark.  "Today we'll drive by..."  "Hey look! There it is!" This.

Touchdown Jesus (it's official name is the "King of Kings" statue).  It sits, or sat, outside a 'mega church'.

We've had some crazy summer storms in the last week or so and on Monday night the King of Kings was struck by lightening.  You read that right.  The 62 foot tall statue of Jesus himself was struck by lightening.  As a side note, the Hustler store across the street faired just fine.

Believe what you want.  If a 'mega church' provides you with the comfort, peace, and 'wholeness' that you need, go for it.  I'm not one to judge.  I believe.  I just don't believe that I have to sit in a church once a week and put money in a basket in order to exercise my faith.  What I find slightly bothersome about the statue is that the church plans to rebuild the 700 THOUSAND DOLLAR work.  If I were a member of that church I think I might advocate that money be used for better in the community.  That's neither here nor there. 

So the real reason I wrote this post was to share a conversation I had with a random guy who came to see burnt up touchdown Jesus.  Here's how it went.

Him: Are you Tanya?  (the name of another 'personality' in the area)
Me: Nope.
Him: What's your name?
Me: (I tell him my name).
Him: Oh yeah! You're my favorite.  What station do you work at again?
Him: Yeah, I love you guys.  Do you know why you're my favorite?  Cause you're weird.
(We have never met before)
Me: What?
Him: You're weird.  You're not like the others.
Me: Do you mean maybe that I have a personality?
Him: Yeah, sure. 
Me: Ok.  Thanks? 
Him: Also, you have absolutely flawless skin.
Me: Thanks. And thanks for watching.
Him: You're welcome.  What station do you work for again?

I should write a book.  This middle aged, overweight, bald man could be a chapter about people putting their feet in their mouths.

The Best part?  Flawless skin.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Nope, not a typo.  The title is penis.  I said it.  Twice.  Going to happen a few more times so if you're already offended, stop reading.

So little boys (and I'm sure girls, but can't speak from experience yet) are curious.  During diaper changes there's an occasional grab.  So when that would happen I told Cannon what it is.  I didn't call it a 'pee pee' or 'your privates', I called it a penis.  Just happened.  Just came out that way.  I mean that is what it is.  And because he trusts and loves his mother unconditionally, that's what he calls it. 

Thing is, pretty sure that's what he calls it outside the house too (ie: at daycare during community potty time).  They have these potties (is that the plural of potty?) that are not more than 12 inches off the floor (literally you and I would have to get help up) with dividers but no doors.  All the kids line up at the potty and one by one, sit on the potty and then have their diaper changed or go potty (Cannon sits on the potty, he does not GO potty on the potty, baby steps--however he has started saying "Tannon pooping Mommy!" announcing potty related activity).  So he sees bottoms, penises and  the 'v word' (have some time before I say that one out loud and teach someone that one). 

So I guess, it's better to know the right term and not have a toddler who uses a nickname for 'it', or is it?  Next comes the lesson about where and when we use words like that.  Pretty sure that comes way after always using a fork, sleeping in a big boy bed, and possibly potty training.  Until then, his teachers can enjoy his language skills and know that his parents don't screw around.

The Best part?  All words sound cute coming out of his mouth.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Her Big Brother

Our two kiddos at 20 weeks.  Think they look alike?  Top one is Cannon.

One of Each

Sugar and spice and everything nice.  We are having a HEALTHY baby girl!  Most excited about the 'healthy' but pretty excited about the 'girl' too! 

I thought it was a girl.  But I got really excited about another boy too.  I adore my little boy so much that having another one was going to be welcome news.  The ultrasound lady (who I have always found slightly annoying, she was pleasant today) said 'so you have a boy at home? do you have lots of clothes?  toys?'  and I said 'to share'... and she said 'I was going to say to put in boxes.'  It was kind of like being a finalist on American Idol and learning your fate the way Ryan Seacrest would deliver it. 

She's in the 36th percentile for her 'age'.  Which apparently means she probably won't be 8lbs, 4oz like Cannon.  They're thinking more around the 7lb mark.  Fine by me.  Perhaps her head circumference will be slightly less too?

So, we have lots to do.  Lots.  We've decided to keep the nursery as the nursery (it's just the perfect size for a nursery) and give Cannon a new big boy room for his 2nd birthday.  So, the nursery is blue stripes.  Has to be painted.  And neutral clothes?  What are those?  The closest thing we have to neutral is a 'peapod' Halloween costume.  Enter Grandparents and Great Grandparents. 

Names.  We have a list.  We won't pick one anytime soon. 

Bedding.  Love this.  Also love this... and it lends itself to better paint options.  Haven't looked very hard yet though.

The Best part?  1 of each.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Bad Parenting...

I'm sure we've made more questionable parenting decisions than this one but right now this one seems most prominent.  It wasn't even a decision really.  There was no discussion.  It just happened and we let it. 

We let Cannon drink backyard pool water. 

Not chlorinated water, little kiddie pool water.  A lot of it.  Here's the thing.  He was loving practicing drinking out of a little cup, he was having fun, and it seemed harmless.  Seemed. 

Hello rotavirus.  Hello terrible diaper rash.  Four days in.  Calling the doctor today.  Guess I have to tell them how stupid we were too huh?  Bummer.

The Best part?  He loved it while he was doing it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

... place your bets...

In a mere five days we will know.  Blue or pink.  Yep, I'm a finder outer. 

Here's the thing. 

Everyone says 'it's one of the few times in life you can be completely surprised'.  Well guess what, on Thursday morning around 9 we will be totally and utterly surprised.  Also, I will not be in agonizing pain, nor will I be exhausted.  Had I found out Cannon was a boy when he was born instead of 20 weeks prior, I could not have cared less.  I was completely miserable.  At that point it was me and Meredith (yep, first name basis with the OB when they spend an hour and a half doing reconstruction).  Fix it.  Fix it now.  Dan and Cannon bonded.  But I knew he was a boy.  I knew before that that he was a boy.  The surprise would have been sour had it happened post birth. 

So as you prepare to make an educated guess on whether Best Part Baby #2 is a boy or a girl, here are my thoughts.

Reasons I think it's a girl:
I am smaller this time.  Although that could also have something to do with more exercise and less frequent ice cream. 
I feel the baby move much lower than I ever felt Cannon. 
My skin is worse.
I was slightly sick at the beginning.  I wasn't even close to slightly sick with Cannon.
I was exhausted for the first 12 weeks.  However, I have a mover and a shaker to chase.
Everyone, I mean everyone thinks it's a girl.
When I am not thinking, I refer to the baby as 'her' or 'she'. 
We have nothing.  Every item of clothing we have is boy.  All boy.  100% boy.  In typical Best Part fashion, we are destined to go broke preparing for the little girl's arrival.
The heartrate is slower.  Cannon's was fast (traditionally that would mean it's a girl) so since this one is slower I think we may be going against the trend.

And...the reasons I think it's a boy:
I have always pictured myself with a house full of boys.  Don't know why.  Just have.  If this one is a boy I'll be outnumbered 3 to 1 if you include the dog.
Everyone thought Cannon was a girl too.  "You're carrying really high".  Guess what, I have a short torso.  Everything is high.
My sister in law thinks it's a girl.  She is always, always wrong.  She thought all three of her kids were the opposite of what they are.  She also thought Cannon was a girl.

So, make your guesses, place your bets, start your office pools.  The countdown is on. 

The Best part?  Thursday.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Wouldn't Change a Thing

So after I gave Hilton Head a slightly rotten review, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that vacations are different now.  

When you have a 21 month old who is learning faster than you can run and who is into everything and wants to know about everything you don't sit on the beach.  You run on the beach.  You don't lounge by the pool, you try to beat him into it.  You don't have a quiet sit down meal.  You order what will come fastest and see how quickly you can get food off the kids menu.  You plan your evening by how long naps were and you find places where you can hang out that he can't get away or at least can't get too far.  Here's the thing.  It's a blast.  I wouldn't change a thing about him, or us, or our slighty tiring vacation.

Also, keep in mind I'm 20 weeks sober so even a drink on the balcony wasn't an option (although did have a glass of wine, judge away).  20 weeks!  What? That's right, halfway. 

I now understand what it means to need a 'vacation from your vacation'. 

The Best part?  Sleeping on our own bed tonight.

Fear This

We have on our hands a 100% fearless, courageous, social, and did I mention fearless little boy?  He will walk 75 feet to the ocean without you and walk right in.  He will jump in the pool whether you are there or not.  He will ask you to put him 'down' while you are holding him in the pool.  He will not wear anything close to swimmies, a lifevest or a flotation device (I bought them all).  He'll put his face in and blow bubbles.  He will stand in the ocean, bend over, and put his head under. 

Swim lessons start in July.  I have a feeling he'll learn quickly.

The Best part?  I'll pick fearless over screaming, clawing, terrified, any day of the week.

Probably won't go back...

I don't know what we expected.  No, scratch that, I do.  We thought Hilton Head would be a quiet little beach town with houses lining the beach and quiet, quaint little seafood dives.  It is not.  Behind the gorgeous, Spanish moss covered oak trees there is a developed city.  There's a Sam's club, a few McDonalds, Target, Walmart, Longhorn Steakhouse.  The list goes on.  It's not a quaint as we hoped.  Restaurants were crowded and we did more driving on the island than we wanted.  Maybe we stayed in the wrong area (Disney's Hilton Head Island in Shelter Cove).  Maybe we're spoiled by little sea villages where you can walk everywhere you need to go and don't share the beach with a thousand of your closest friends. 

I have so many friends who love it there.  It's just not quite 'us'.  And we're totally in the minority on that. 

On a side note it is a beautiful place.  The marsh is gorgeous and the beach is wide with pretty white sand.  The oak trees are gorgeous.

We did have a great time playing with Cannon on the beach, riding bikes, and swimming.  More to come on the memories and tales from a toddler's vacation. 

The Best part?  Toes in the sand, even if it's crowded sand.

On the road...

Where do I begin?  We just got back (literally hours ago) from a week in Hilton Head.  I have a feeling a few blog posts will be born out of it so I'll break it up.

First, the journey.

We broke the first leg up and stopped halfway in Asheville, North Carolina.  Super cute little city.  We don't smoke nearly enough pot (or any for that matter) to live there.  Had a fabulous southern meal at Tupelo Honey's downtown.  Totally worth waiting for them to open to enjoy cheesey cauliflower and homemade biscuits.  We stayed in a Hampton Inn and were lucky enough to have a room that opened to the POOL!  Enter sarcasm.  The pool where everyone staying in the hotel under the age of 18 (including sports teams) came to swim post game/ match/ practice.  Cannon, fortunately slept right through it. 

Drove the other half on Sunday, stopped for lunch in Columbia, South Carolina to have lunch with a high school friend of Dan's.  Got to Hilton Head just before dinner on Sunday. 

Return trip.  So the last thing we wanted to do was stay in one more hotel or eat one more meal out so we made the brave decision to make the whole 10 hour trip in one day.  We did it.  It involved each of us at different times (me while we were going through the mountains, enter car sickness) climbing into the back to read books, play with cars, feed fruit snacks, or do anything we could to keep Cannon from crying/ fussing/ screaming at being in his carseat for so long.  He slept a grand total of... 40 mintues.  We made it.  We are home.  We won't wake up tomorrow in a hotel room outside of Knoxville wishing we were home.

Correction of errors for the ride.  More movies.  We had 7 but since I checked them out from the library you have to figure at least 50 percent won't play or will skip.  We watched the same Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes over and over and over and over.   Hot dog.  Other than that, Dan did an amazing job with coolers/ bags/ diaper bags etc.  It was also the first trip ever where we relied 100% on the GPS in the car.  Worked perfectly!  Oh and the minivan was a great decision.

The Best part?  We're home.