Sunday, September 13, 2009


I am a planner. I schedule things obnoxiously early and I like to know what's going on and when. To a fault. My mom laughs at me (even though I'm 99% sure I got the planning gene from her) when I ask what their plans are for Christmas in July. My friends who aren't quite as anal retentive (no hyphen) roll their eyes when I pull out my physical planner or work to schedule things weeks or months in advance. I think having a baby has honed my planning skills and now it's become an obsession.
Cannon is now one. It's the time everyone starts asking (and we start pondering) when we'll have another baby.
My brother and I are 4 1/2 years apart. While we have a good relationship now, we have never (and still aren't) been in the same place in life. I was in high school, he was in elementary school. I was in college, he was in high school. He was in college, I was maried and pregnant. He's one of my favorite people in the world but not someone I have a 'call him to chat' relationship with. Now, maybe that's because we are so far apart or maybe, it's because he's a boy. Is there a perfect age separation between kids?
Cannon was planned. It happened faster than we ever thought it would but he was planned. The plan was to start trying in December and he was born in September--do the math. We know how many people struggle to conceive so we know how fortunate we are that it happened so fast.

So, as we think about baby number two, I'm considering not 'planning' it. Just not 'preventing' it.

This goes against just about everything I stand for as an obsessive planner. Everything.

The plan before now was to try and space our kids about 2 years apart. So, around Christmas, we would think about trying again. I'm not crazy about being pregnant during the holidays.

We're going on vacation and as I've mentioned before, I'm fond of the sauce. Judge me, do it. Anyway, spacing the kids two years apart would mean trying again around Christmas and being 9 months pregnant in August, again. This summer that would have been cake, last summer I had ankles the same circumference as my thighs.

I have a lot of friends who had no trouble conceiving baby number one but it took a while on number two. So, who knows. The 'plan' would be shot if it took a while to concieve anyway. There's no way to know. This is one of the few references I will ever make in a blog about a 'higher being' so brace yourself. I know that the conception of our second miracle is out of our hands. There is no way that something as amazing as the conception, development, and birth of a child just happens, so I know better than to think that it's our call when we get pregnant.

I'm rambling now.

Here's what I know.

I know that I am ready to be pregnant again. Not like I want to be pregnant but I am ready to be pregnant again. It took a good 11 months for me to feel this way. It's not that it was a miserable experience, I had a relatively easy pregnancy. I just missed my body, being mine. I know that we want to have another child. I know that the adventure and fun would only be doubled. So, the question is, do we leave it to fate or wait?
Leaving it to fate would require me to loosen up, a lot. Maybe I'll see how long this 'leaving it to fate' feeling lasts. See if it's permanent or just a fluke 'our baby isn't a baby anymore, let's have another one' feeling. Or maybe, we'll just see what happens!


The Best part? Whenever it happens... it will be the right time.


Jill said...

There is never a good time to be pregnant, in my mind. Never 9 (10) consecutive months that I am not going to want to have a drink.

I am not ready yet but the idea is not abhorrent to me anymore, so I must be getting closer. I think I've settled on 3 years apart for our kids, give or take. I like the idea of only having one ass to wipe besides my own and I am hopeful that at 3, Violet will be wiping. I absolutely have had all of the thoughts you write about, though, and just read an article about secondary fertility that had me ready to throw out all of our condoms.

Sounds like you guys have a good idea of what you'd like for your brood; here's hoping it all works out!

Corey said...

I'm still undecided and think Dan thinks my thoughts right now are a phase so if I had to guess, I'd say leaving it to chance won't happen for a few months... but who knows. The secondary infertility is seriously bothersome too... who knows... 3 years sounds like a good plan and I like the ass wiping theory too... so much to consider :)

Aly said...

I love this.
I love to hear you talk about having another child. Cannon is such a great little guy, I know he will be a fantastic big brother.

Onto the planning...
It did take a while for us to conceive Charlie. For a few months, in fact, I was convinced I had secondary infertility. In truth it was 8 months of actively 'trying' (ie, doing it all the damn time) that brought us our second little guy.

It's something I wanted to be in control of, but was quickly humbled by my inability to get instantly pregnant. Looking back, I'm glad we didn't get pregnant right away. The boys are 2 years, 4 months apart & it's just about perfect.

Let me know when the "not preventing" is about to begin. I need another night of drinking red wine with you before you take a 9 month hiatus. :)

Aly said...

lol- to add to this a bit.
Jack is 3 1/2 and is just now beginning to wipe his own ass. It's been a long poopy road, but we're slowly getting there.

sarah said...

first off- great blog girl! Love the damask and not to mention the words. : ) Second - go for it. Go with what is in your heart. I wanted my children closer, but as you know, close to the time when you all moved in, we lost one, early, but still a loss. Then it took me a good five-six months to get pregnant with catcher. I wanted again, for this third one, to be closer in age to catcher- but we are experiencing some difficulties. I will explain later. : ) you and dan need to decide how close you want them, right now as it is, they would be pretty much two years apart, which I hear is good because they can play together a lot and grow up together. You BOTH will know when it is time...but for now, have fun- and don't worry.: )

Corey said...

I am def. waffling still so I am back to feeling like we should stick to the 'plan' and just wait until the end of the year... the year is flying by and we're so busy... things slow down come december... I think that is the plan again... but who knows :)